Friday, April 01, 2005

Drudge Can't Wait for Pope to Die



Drudge was reporting earlier today that the Pope had bit the dust, but then heard that "ITALY'S SKY ITALIA QUOTING VATICAN SOURCES SAYS POPE'S BRAIN, HEART STILL FUNCTIONING... "(caps his) and then offered this time-honored journalist's excuse: "Italian media gave contradictory reports about Pope John Paul's vital signs on Friday, first saying his heart and brain activity had stopped and then reporting this was not true... Developing..."

Ok. Settle down Drudge. I guess they didn't teach you anything about independent confirmation of news from legitimate sources at fake-journalism school. Yes Matt, you have to wait patiently for the Pope to die, just like everyone else does. No one likes to be scooped on April Fools Day. Just be thankful that you'll soon be able to reuse that initial graphic and headline you had up earlier.

Thursday, March 31, 2005

OH GOD NO

Do NOT click on this link. I REPEAT. DO NOT CLICK ON THIS LINK.

....unless you want vomit on your screen and to be emotionally and psychologically scarred for life.

Hey - HEY. Didn't we tell you NOT to click on that link?

Excuse us - we're going to wipe the residual puke from our chins and find a butter knife to gouge our own eyes out with. Please let me scrape this horrific image from my prefrontal lobe...

Why Biometrics Sucks


Well, it was bound to happen...

The BBC reports that a machete wielding Malaysian gang jacked local rich guy K. Kumaran's Mercedes S-Class. Too bad for Kumaran, he thought having a biometric fingerprint recognition-based ignition system would be pretty slick. So the carjackers stripped him down and chopped off his index finger. We're not sure, however, how long that's gonna last on a keychain in that Kuala Lumpur humidity..

Good thing he didn't go with the iris-scan option....ouch.

Al Reynolds's Pain Continues...


...like a rented mule...
The Post reports that Al Reynolds showed up for Alan Cummings's erotica reading (do with that what you will) and made a beeline for the giftbags. The Post sez: "We can only imagine what the newlyweds did when he got home with his swag, which included a pair of furry handcuffs, a whip and a bottle of Svedka vodka."

We can...and it involved Al getting piss drunk, handcuffing Star to the bedpost and flogging that bitch silly for making him marry her.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Terri's Still Got a Lot to Say...


Fuck - everyone's blogging these days!
Update: And as of this Thursday morning, that's all she wrote.
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Well, it's been, what, almost 2 weeks since they removed her feeding tube? But Terri's keeping busy, sharing her most intimate thoughts and keen insights on her very own blog!

We think the statement she released this past Sunday was perhaps her most profound, yet controversial that she's made to date. While we can see the point she's making, we tend to agree more with her earlier comments from the previous Friday.