Thursday, March 03, 2005

"Crazy Big" Assault Tit

"Don't make me come over there and smack you with this..."
When you're trying to start a new life and want to be less noticeable, it makes sense to have your size 69 - HH tits reduced to a more manageable handful or five.

Tawny Peaks (how original, sounds so outdoorsy and wholesome!), a former Miami stripper who was the first person ever to be charged and later cleared of battering a Florida stripclub patron with her "crazy big breasts", has had her silicone pillows removed and has one of the ginormous jugg implants on eBay.

The auction ends Saturday night and it's already up to almost $15K. If you're in the market for a new waterbed, or an inflatable raft, or well, a huge size 69-HH silicone tit, get your bid on!

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

PETA: A Drag For Star Jones

How Al Reynolds Dresses When Star Isn't Home
Wow. Looks like our girl Star got beat with the ugly stick!

Oh, actually, it's Star Jones's drag queen, Flotilla DeBarge. PETA has hired the drag double to parody our girl Star in a new ad campaign that smacks Ms. Jones around for wearing fur.

According to the NY Post, Star is "worried that the public won't be able to tell the difference between her and drag queen Flotilla DeBarge."

Poor Star's self-confidence must be running a little low today - or maybe reality is finally orbiting her galaxy of delusion. I think what Star should really be worried about is that beard / "husband" Al Reynolds would rather poke his pecker into the drag queen instead of our girl Star.

Star Jones. A national treasure!

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Totalitarian Republican Senator Moves To Remove Titties From HBO

I thought Republicans were for less government? First the right-wing moral crusaders got themselves all worked up into a lather over the Janet Jackson Nipplegate scandal which caused broadcast censors to over-scrutinize and sanitize everything on TV to atone for their guilty little chubbies that popped-up during the half-time show. Then the 5-second tape delay at the Oscars. What's next?

Fascist totalitarian Republican Senator (wow - that's a mouthful. I should've just gone with "useless prick") Ted Stevens, who's the US Senate Commerce Committee Chairman, is proposing restrictions on "indecency" seen on paid subscriber cable channels such as HBO and Showtime.

Taxicab Confessions without the Confessions? Sex and the City without the Sex? "Skin"emax without the skin? Queer as Folk without the Queer? OZ without the prison anal rape?

Good thinking, Stevens. You're right. If it's not on TV, then it doesn't really exist. Thanks for shielding us from the horrors of fictional television. Let's get back to the wholesome safety of topics seen on the news such as torture and beheadings and bombings and sex-scandals and Jackson's barber-pole penis. Oh-oops. I guess we'll have to censor the news too. In fact, why don't we just lobotomize everyone except for the nice folks running the current administration. Oh fuck, looks like we're too late to save them. Brave New World indeed.

Jacko's Bubbles To Take The Stand?

Bubbles to testify?
We have it on authority of the UK's finest news reporting organization that Jacko's chimp, Bubbles, will testify at Michael's trial. We know it's all true, since the headline even states, "And we're not kidding folks".

You have to love the British press - you can't spell out "bollocks" on the front page, but you can splash up a half-page color photo of a woman's be-thonged ass and tits with nipples artfully obscured. Now that's journalism.