Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Devoted Wife or Murderous Enema Fetishist?

The Houston Chronicle has a heart-rending / ass-puckering story about the tragedy (or comedy? I mean, if you really try to picture it...ok, don't) that occurred when a woman tried to help her alcoholic husband get his drink on.

Tammy Jean Wagner of Lake Jackson, TX (where?) gave her husband Michael a TWO bottle sherry enema, driving his blood-alcohol level to an asswrecking 0.47 percent (that's about 6 times the legal limit in case you were wondering or just plain dumb), thus killing the man.

You might be wondering, why get drunk via the "beer bong in the ass" approach? Because poor Mikey has a throat condition that doesn't allow him to hit the sauce the...*ahem*..more conventional way.

Officer Robert Turner, who was interviewed for the article, seemed sorta impressed at Mike's ass-chugging ability (and who wouldn't be?) "We're not talking about little bottles here," Turner said, "These were at least 1.5 liter bottles."

Wow. Gives new meaning to the phrase "being drunk off your ass".

Shitty Tips = My Sweaty Balls Dipped in Your Drinking Water

The NY Times has the scoop on the ongoing battle between ignorant restaurant patrons and pissed-off waitstaff.

While I do think that waitstaff need to be fairly competent and polite, I never fuck with the person who has the ability to season my food with scrapings from their asscrack. And neither should you - Stained Apron tells you why (and spares you from the nastiest details of how some food service people like to doctor your food - believe me, I know...)

And this is brilliant: Bitter Waitress shares it's STDs with you. That'd be their Shitty Tipper Database - you know who you are.

(Note: Looks like their server is getting slammed, but once the NY Times traffic dies down, it's worth a look.)

Today's WTF Story: Mohel, Circumsion..Herpes?

Yes, I am familiar with what a mohel does at a bris. From what I understand, it typically involves an 8-day old infant boy, the parents surrounded by family and friends, and a mohel - the rabbi responsible for snipping off some foreskin. After the foreskin is clipped, there is some ritual blood drawing (yes, I know, ouch), usually done by hand.

So what the hell is going on here?

Rabbi Yitzhok Fischer apparently gave 3 infant boys herpes, one of which died due to the infection. How does an 8-day old boy get herpes, you might ask? It appears that Rabbi Fischer is rocking a mean case of the herpes virus himself. In regards to the procedure, CNN states that "most mohels do it by hand, but Fischer uses a rare practice where he uses his mouth."


I mean, if you were the parents of the boys, wouldn't something seem suspicious when the rabbi put his mouth on your infant boy's nubbin?

Fischer's lawyer, Mark Kurzmann states, "My client is known internationally as a caring, skilled, and conscientious mohel".

Well, suffice it to say, I think the Rabbi is going to be known somewhat differently now. Meanwhile, Catholic priests everywhere breathe a sigh of relief and offer a prayer of thanks to the rabbi for temporarily taking some heat off of them...