Friday, April 15, 2005

Red Sox Fan Deserves An Ass-Whupping (or at least a late-nite phone call at home)

So we're watching the Yankees - Red Sox game last nite and what the fuck happens in the 8th inning? Some fucking moron at Fenway decides to interfere with the play and smacks Sheffield in the face as he chases a live ball, which is clearly in play, down the right field seats.

Now Ron Artest aftermath or not, we'd be fucking pissed if we were Sheffield. Here's a game that's hanging in the balance and some fucking smegma-dicked turd decides to hit us in the face when we're trying to do our job? Hmm...we say "fuck that".

Well, the play winds up scoring 2 Red Sox runs and decides the game in their favor. So if you're like mostly everyone else outside of Boston and are sick of hearing about the goddamn "miraculous, curse-breaking" Red Sox World Series win from last year, feel free to let CHRISTOPHER ("Chris") HOUSE of DORCHESTER, MA know what a fucking douchebag he is and that you've sodomized his fianceé with his brother's highschool basketball trophy. Seriously. Please call him (even though AP is reporting that calls to his listed phone number leads to a message that his voicemailbox is full, it's fun to wake him at all hours of the night!) and send your regards.

(and yes, Chris, your phone number is publicly available)

Or, you could try contacting his fianceé, who the Boston Herald kindly notes is Jodi Ingebritson, founder of a little webshop curiously named "Abl@zing Designs" (the "@" makes it cool and high-tech.) We think a particularly effective campaign would be to send messages to her email account asking her to withhold sex from little Chris until he learns his lesson (proper atonement would be his absence at future Yankees games at Fenway, seeing that he's a season ticket holder.)

Thanks Jodi! We appreciate your help. We would be inclined to feel a little bad for you here, but then again, you are marrying this jackass....

Go Yankees! Fuck you Chris House! Oh, c'mon Chris - lest we get carried away here, we're just having a little fun with you. You know we're only kidding, right? Well, not really...but we sure feel better after our little rant.


At 8:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

YOU are too funny!

At 12:05 PM, Blogger anyone said...

You are the jackass here. Whatever contact was made between Chris House and Gary Sheffield was between them. For you to advocate harrasing his fiance is reprehensible. I don't know what happened to you with your brother's basketball trophy but, it is not helping you heal by wishing the same on an innocent woman who has done nothing to you, the Yankees, or Mr. Sheffield.
For me an always enjoyable rivalry picks up again in April. Curse is over my friend no more 1918 chants. You should concern yourself with a bloated payroll, a new ace? (Johnson) and a possible steroid abuser who shoves a fan while runners are advancing.
In closing seek help for your own sodomy issues, put your brothers trophy in the dishwasher and watch baseball. It's a great game.

At 5:39 PM, Blogger Blah blah blah... said...

that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about us poor little sodomized folks here at the semi-reg! thank you "anyone"!

we appreciate the advice on seeking help, but will turn down the suggestion that we need to put our "brother's trophy" in the dishwasher. as insightful as you were to uncover the horrible truth that we were projecting our own painful experiences on the douchebag duo of House-Ingebritson, you didn't have the foresight to see that after being sodomized by the trophy, we were forced to lick it clean, therefore removing the need to have it cleansed by Cascade.

come back soon now, ya hear!

At 5:48 PM, Blogger Blah blah blah... said...

p.s. - does chris know that you're obsessively googling his fiance? our web analytics software shows that you've googled her no less than five times in the last day. since you're going through the trouble of stalking her, do us a favor - let her know what a dipshit her fiance is! thanks!

hugs and kisses-

the semi-reg

At 6:34 PM, Blogger anyone said...

Googling her name was the only way I could find your blog. I wanted to see if you responded. Have a great night be careful where you sit. You must be very sore.
Sweet Dreams


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