Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Totalitarian Republican Senator Moves To Remove Titties From HBO

I thought Republicans were for less government? First the right-wing moral crusaders got themselves all worked up into a lather over the Janet Jackson Nipplegate scandal which caused broadcast censors to over-scrutinize and sanitize everything on TV to atone for their guilty little chubbies that popped-up during the half-time show. Then the 5-second tape delay at the Oscars. What's next?

Fascist totalitarian Republican Senator (wow - that's a mouthful. I should've just gone with "useless prick") Ted Stevens, who's the US Senate Commerce Committee Chairman, is proposing restrictions on "indecency" seen on paid subscriber cable channels such as HBO and Showtime.

Taxicab Confessions without the Confessions? Sex and the City without the Sex? "Skin"emax without the skin? Queer as Folk without the Queer? OZ without the prison anal rape?

Good thinking, Stevens. You're right. If it's not on TV, then it doesn't really exist. Thanks for shielding us from the horrors of fictional television. Let's get back to the wholesome safety of topics seen on the news such as torture and beheadings and bombings and sex-scandals and Jackson's barber-pole penis. Oh-oops. I guess we'll have to censor the news too. In fact, why don't we just lobotomize everyone except for the nice folks running the current administration. Oh fuck, looks like we're too late to save them. Brave New World indeed.