Monday, February 14, 2005

Florida Is For Lovers (and Felons)

Her Name Says It All...
It's Valentine's Day and you don't have that special someone to spend it with. Your family doesn't care about you and you asked your mother to stop giving you Valentine's Day cards years ago after you were beaten up at school that one time (and since the "I'm Falling For You Card" from her was kinda weird, especially when she got drunk and kept saying that "you were so grown-up now" and were the "real man in the house"). You can't get a date and your parole keeps you from cruising the 'hood for skanky hookers. And you definitely can't afford an escort.

What to do?

Never fear - The Smoking Gun's "Hottest Felons" are here! Need a girl who's barely legal, has got the hook up with the weed and some blow, and knows how to boost a new ride for you? Well, come on down to Florida! Central Florida seems to be where the action is to get your felon fantasy on. And ladies - this includes you too! We know you've seen Caged Heat and Reform School Girls and want to get your women-in-prison freak on.

Don't say we never did anything for you. You're welcome.

Hugs and Kisses,

The Semi-Regular