Thursday, December 02, 2004

Teacher's Curriculum a Student's Wet Dream

What's the deal these days with young teachers and pubescent teenage boys? A few weeks ago, it was Tammy and now this week we're featuring 6th grade wet dream, Debra LaFave!

24-year old Debra LaFave, who is married (to a man who lost out to a 14-year old prick, literally), was arrested for nailing one of her 14-year old students and is apparently going to go with the insanity plea. Meanwhile, her 14-year old boytoy with raging hormones is actually going insane realizing that he's got to go back to 14-year old girls who will definitely not be putting out like our girl Deb (who - wait for it, it gets better - apparently did some work as some type of Lowrider model!).

For those of you young'uns out there wondering, What The Fuck!?!?! Why aren't I out there nailing the older ladies?, Jest Magazine has a helpful holiday article on how to nail your SMILF.

Now go out there and make someone proud!

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

More Target Fun: Now with Blowjobs!

And the Target fun continues!

As reported earlier, Target was pimping weed and crack. But now, they're offering blowjobs.

According to the listing on Target's website, the Blowjobs are from someone named "Sober" and it says it takes "4-8 weeks" to come. Hmmmm...doesn't sound like much of a hummer, but for $9.99.....

BoingBoing has kindly hosted a screenshot in case Target decides to stop stocking BJs.

Beat This!

It looks like our friends across the pond have one-upped us in the reality-tv arms race for most bizarre task.

Rebecca Loos (who?), the woman whose claim to fame was banging the married David Beckham, was shown on a UK Channel Five reality show called "The Farm" giving a boar a 10 minute handjob and capturing the pig spunk in a flask. Predictably, an uproar over animal welfare ensued.

ABCNews reports that the Office of Communications (presumably comparable to our fascist FCC) cleared Channel Five of bestiality. The ruling stated:

"The task performed by Rebecca Loos is one that occurs regularly on UK farms. It was properly supervised by a qualified veterinary surgeon and was carried out for a genuine purpose, to artificially inseminate the pigs on the 'celebrity farm'. We don't believe that the scene was degrading or harmful to the boar."

No, but Jesus - a TEN minute handjob? Becky, you got to work on your technique!

One thing is for certain. The gauntlet has been laid down in reality-tv programming. Point, UK. Next on Fear Factor: Rimjobbing a goat.

Monday, November 29, 2004

Target Knows What the Kids Want

Category-killing retailers are stocking everything these days, taking business away from the Mom and Pop shops and now, it appears, your local dealer.

Looks like Target is anticipating a legalization of buds soon and is preemptively taking orders for "Marijuana", only $25.25 (what, is that for an eighth?) Must've sold out quickly - looks like they'll be restocking in 4-8 weeks.

It's only a matter of time before the goons over at corporate headquarters take it down, so here's a link to another screenshot (via BoingBoing)

And now this just in: Target also offers crack! And what a deal, for $11.66, it's $1.29 off the list price! Now you won't have to suck some mangy dick for some crack - Target's got it on sale!