Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Al Reynold's Light Saber to Penetrate Death Star?


Oh Good God What Have I Done?
"Wha!?!?! You mean I have to fuck her too?!?"

The NY Post reports on the horrifying story of Star's Need to Breed.

I'm sure poor Al has been trying to explain to Star where a beard's responsibility begins and ends but we all know our girl Star isn't having it. I got a hundred bucks that says the baby (if there winds up being one and Star doesn't eat it) looks nothing like poor Al.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

George and His Dick


Behind That Wispy Bush is a Pudgy Dick
For your viewing pleasure and cultural enlightment, here's a fine piece of work that didn't happen to make it into this past weekend's MoMA grand re-opening.

Hunting Spree Shooter Apparently "Just Looking to Bag Some White Meat"

Ahhh...hunting. Nothing like a bunch of rednecks in camo drinking beers, tearing-ass on ATVs and brandishing high-powered rifles shooting at anything that moves. Throw into that mix a trigger-happy Laotian with 6 years in the National Guard, a sharpshooter qualification and an attitude and what do you get?

If you answered "lots of white meat for Thanksgiving", well, you're partly right!

Looks like Chai Vang, the "Hmong Lee Harvey Oswald" went over the seasonal limit by bagging 6 white hunters. Ooops. MSNBC reports that a Hmong leader in Wisconsin has advised Hmong hunters to "skip the rest of the gun deer season because of the tensions." Uhhh...yeah...good idea....(and perhaps the understatement of the week).

Maybe someone should persuade Vang to take up fishing instead. The whole "catch-and-release" thing keeps everyone a lot happier.

Holy Fucking Grilled Cheese


Virgin Mary Appears on Grilled Cheese, Jesus To Appear on Sloppy Joe
I was in the middle of taking a little break from the reporting when a news story combining idiotic religious idolatry and white trash culture brought me out of my slumber.

As you may have heard, some dipshit, batty-ass "religious" Florida woman (they have those in spades down there) named Diana Duyser made a grilled cheese sammy a decade ago and saw the Virgin Mary staring back at her. So she cocooned it with cotton balls and saved it in a plastic container on her nightstand, natch. Eventually, she decided to throw it on eBay so the world could view the holy relic and be given the opportunity to bid on it.

Well, for every retard that puts a grilled-fucking-cheese sandwich up to bid, believing it's holy, there's another retard out there willing to pay $28-fucking-grand for it.

Reuters and a bunch of other people report.

Hey - I love a good grilled cheese every now and then but fucking hell...only in America kids...