Saturday, October 23, 2004

To Do in LA - get hammered, pay a model to drive your car home

We generally tend to think of LA as an armpit, but occasionally you gotta love a town that breeds a service like Home James and Autopilots.

You: a rich lush who drove yourself and your crew in your fancy-ass european sports car for a night (or an afternoon, if you're really a pisser) out on the town.

Current Situation: You are piss drunk (as well as everyone else you're with, or maybe the bimbo you picked up can be trusted with your dick but not your precious car) and you're above the indignity of having to hail a cab. Plus, you don't leave your look-how-much-money-I-make-so-fuck-you car on the streets with the shitty little common folk of LA.

Solution: Pay some dipshit model to arrive on a scooter and ferry you home in your own car.

"The last thought anybody wants to have is, God, did I have one glass too many?" he (Barrett Worland, the founder of Autopilots) added. "We're for the people who want to go out and really Wang Chung."

Did he really just use "Wang Chung" as a verb? Jesus titty-fucking Christ.

Thanks to the NYTimes for this hard-hitting piece of news of how retarded people in LA are. Me, I've always considered myself an excellent drunk driver...

Windows on the World

Oh Fuck. Someone call IT
Originally uploaded by jkparker.

Ever wonder what those big electronic billboards, such as those in Times Square, or in this case, Toronto, runs on? Windows. No fucking shit. And what does that mean? It means that you'll probably see a BIG ASS Windows error on your big ass electronic billboard.

Al Pieda Strikes

Two heroic guys conduct a drive-by pieing aimed at crazy person Ann Coulter while she speaks at the University of Arizona. She should have tried to get some of that pie in her mouth. That poor skinny bitch looks like she's eaten nothing since having Bill O'Reilly's foreskin stuck between her teeth.

The Smoking Gun has the mugshots and police report on the "Al Pieda" (heh heh) operatives.

And footage of the attack here:
Pie time!

To Do This Saturday - Red Sox and that other team

As a Yankees fan (yes, ha ha, fuck you too), I find it difficult to give much of a rat's ass about this one. But seriously, I suppose this is a pretty big World Series for Red Sox fans, and hey, I can appreciate that. When you've had a history of sucking for so long, it really catches you by surprise when your history of sucking is miraculously replaced by a history-making playoff comeback (against the $180 million payroll Yankees, no less).

Well, apparently the only thing more important to Bostonians than Red Sox World Series tix is, well, dick. Craigslist Boston has it's hands full trying to manage the number of "fuck my wife for tix" or "suck my dick for tix" postings. And of course, the obligatory " I HAVE A XTRA TICKET THAT MY GF WAS GONNA USE. THIS IS FOR A ATHLETIC HOT BI/MARRIED/STRAIGHT DUDE ONLY. SEND PIC AND STATS. THE TRADE WILL BE WE ALL GET OFF TOGETHER BEFORE THE GAME.. I AM A X NCAA HOCKEY ATHLETE AND SHE IS A ASIAN HOTTIE 23 AND SHAVED PUSSY."

There's also an inordinate number (but then again, I'm not sure what would constitute a "normal" amount) of "hey dudes, let's all jerk off and watch the game together" posts. Who said gay men aren't into baseball? We are talking about two groups of men who are used to having balls flung at their chins. More after the jump.

Actual posts on Craigslist Boston (no, it's not links to porn)

Fuck my wife for tix

Jerk off and watch the game
More fun
And more fun
And yet even more... get the idea....


Frankly, I'm surprised to see you here (unless you were one of the people I shamelessly sent my plug to). How in the hell did you find this? My apologies if you are a math geek looking for more details on "semi-regular polyhedra" (which is mostly what you'll find if you Google "semi-regular"). Surprising that there were no Google Adwords results on this search. You'd think at least Ex-Lax would have jumped all over that shit. And with that terrible pun, I welcome you.