Bennifer, Part Deux
Bennifer Waits for the Short Bus
All you need to know, Semi-Regularly...
From the city that brings you wide-eyed midwestern transplants, with bleached blonde hair and big fake tits and aspirations to suck some low rung producer's dick for a B-movie audition, comes what could only come from a retarded place like LA: The Homeless Spa / Gym / Hair Salon / Playroom.
The Christian Science Monitor (we never understood that oxymoron, and what the fuck are they monitoring anyway? Because it gives us the creeps.) has the details on Midnight Mission, which sounds like a back-alley porn video production company but in reality is a $17 million modernist, steel and glass structure equipped with a full-sized state-of-the-art gymnasium, library, playroom (wha?), hair salon, education center, and professional kitchen.
Hey - although we appear to be cold, heartless bastards, the Semi-Regular understands that progress of a society is measured by the number of institutions it has to take care of those unable to do so by themselves (or some bullshit like that...we slept through our sociology classes), but what the fuck? This makes us want to give up everything (which admittedly, is really nothing) and be homeless in LA. Sure beats sucking a dick for a dolla (so we've heard)...
fucking moron at Fenway decides to interfere with the play and smacks Sheffield in the face as he chases a live ball, which is clearly in play, down the right field seats.
We posted a story below that noted how uglies were less likely to get raises and get ahead in their professional careers. As if that weren't bad enough for you freaky-looking people, it turns out your parents didn't love you because you were, well, ugly.
"A researcher at the University of Alberta has shown that parents are more likely to give better care and pay closer attention to good-looking children compared to unattractive ones." Chalk it up to our natural Darwinian responses, Dr. Andrew Harrell explains.
So true - I mean, why take care of a kid that no one will want to bang in the future? And if some kindly, drunk soul with thick beer goggles does procreate with your hideous-looking it-child, are you sure you're prepared for years of faking painful, forced smiles at your horrendous looking grandspawn?